164) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 17: "Feeling Seen"
Being socially interdependent is built right into our DNA. It’s our existential evolutionary heritage; it’s the Wisdom of our Ancestors, shaping our very essence over the generations, giving us our strengths and the abilities we rely on for resilience in an often-harsh world.
163) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 16: The Final Step to Rational Self-analysis; Sub-section 4 -- Eating Better
With cooking, there are a few basic heuristics, that can REVOLUTIONIZE your cooking. Without becoming an expert, without memorizing a bunch of stuff, without following a bunch of recipes, you can still turn yourself from a frozen-pizza type of cook, to “Hey! This is really good!” type of cook.
162) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 16 - The Final Step to Rational Self-analysis; Sub-section 3 -- The Life-Altering Sorcery of Combining CONTEXT with Competence
The more precise you can get, in terms of the behaviours you need to undertake in order to accomplish your goals, the better. Because, once you have precisely identified The Things you need to Do, then, as illustrated above, you can pull the precise CONTEXTUAL levers that you need, in order to make Doing The Thing into the default, the Thing that is practically the easiest to do in that situation.
161) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 16: The Final Step to Rational Self-analysis; Sub-section 2 -- The Power of Context
The thing to emphasize for effective goal pursuit is emphatically NOT “taking personal responsibility.” While not COMPLETELY unimportant (obviously), this whole “make your bed” mantra is only a tiny, tiny piece of the puzzle, and if over-focused on, it becomes basically a huge, shaming, blaming, counterproductive, disempowering lie.
160) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 16: The Final Step to Rational Self-analysis; Sub-section 1: Give Up Your Willpower
Maaaan, you walk out of that theatre, your heart elevated, your eyes a little more open, your mind spinning with visions of your future awesomeness. You are READY!! Like, tomorrow, as soon as you wake up, you are STARTING. Success is YOURS. RRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
159) The Salvation of Eden: Chapter 4 -- Wax Cave
On very rare days, when the daylight was at its strongest, it was like sitting behind a curtain of colours, like that story of the “rainbow” she remembered her Gramma telling her when she was really young. Apparently, they used to see them, right across the whole sky. Not in her Gramma’s life, of course. Never even in recorded history. But it was one of the stories that had persisted from Before
158) this trans life -- a spoken word poem
To me, being trans is beautiful, there’s nothing to be mourned
I don’t feel it like a death, I more feel like I’ve been reborn.
And, I cherish it.
157) The Salvation of Eden: Chapter 3 -- Pee (Part 1)
This was that moment when Kohra’s life changed forever, the turning point after which nothing would ever be the same again. It’s a moment you cannot predict, anticipate or prepare for. It just happens when it happens.
156) The Salvation of Eden: Chapter 2 -- Filthy Elves and Unlikely Allies
“Y’never grew up with ’em, did ya?” he replied, a bitter tang to his voice. Kohra shook her head. Ironically, she didn’t know the culture of the people whose blood she carried in her veins. If that culture still existed.
'“You’d think different ‘bout ’em, if you did.” He took another swig, wincing as he swallowed.
155) The Salvation of Eden: Chapter 1 -- The Big Delusion
The far more terrifying truth is that by the time the evidence is clear, it’s too late. And even though “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” it is terribly difficult to convince people to take action against the as-yet-unseen.
154) The Salvation of Eden: Prologue
It was a warmth that would stay with Kohra, she hoped, forever. Looking around the abundant kitchen, listening to the rollicking wordplay, and vibrating with the energy that zinged between them all, she knew that Something had been created here. Something of significance. Something more-than.
153) "How did you know you were trans?" Part 7 - 'Gender Dysphoria Isn't What You Think'
I can say now, 100% open heartedly, that I know what life feels like when you love yourself. It’s gentler. Richer. There’s more loveliness in the little moments. It’s easier to savour the present. There’s less attachment to ”the shit”. You realize that “Joy” is actually a thing people feel, and not just a religious invention to make you think you need to believe in God. Your future starts to feel real, like it actually matters.
152) "How did you know you were trans?" Part 6 - "You don't have to change yourself; just accept who you are!"
The deep misunderstanding at work here, is rooted in the assumption that there IS a “natural” way that a given individual will walk, talk, dress and otherwise express themselves. If they’re a man, they’ll “naturally” walk, talk and dress “like a man”. If they’re a woman, then it’ll be “natural” to walk, talk and dress more feminine.
But think about it, do people walk, talk, dress and otherwise express manhood and womanhood the same, in different cultures?
151) "How did you know you were trans?" Part 5 - The Secret (until now...oops), Ancient Mystical Occult Ritual that turns you into a girl (or a guy, if you cast this spell in reverse)
This walking experiment — It really was that simple. If a trans awakening is the cracking of your egg, then this was my Humpty Dumpty moment. After those 4 or 5 steps, all the King’s men, and even all the King’s horses (Master Egg-Fixers that horses tend to be), could never have put my shell back together.
150) "How did you know you were trans?" Part 4 - Gorillas & bellydancers
This is the ultimate irony, I think, with the trans-phobia of the “Freedom” crowd. Because being trans? Setting your own dials where you most authentically feel they work best for you?
That’s true freedom.
149) "How did you know you were trans?" Part 3 - The Subtle Importance of Walking
Walking was highly instrumental in one of the first key ‘breakthroughs’ that I ever made in therapy. I remember the session well. My therapist was asking me to go into my memories and find a time in my childhood when I would say I felt really, deeply secure and strong in myself.
I sat there for quite a while.
148) "How did you know you were trans?" Part 2 - The Invisible Girl
I can swear, I can joke
I say what’s on my mind
If I drink, if I smoke
I keep up with the guys
And you see me holding up my middle finger to the world
Fuck your ribbons and your pearls
‘Cause I’m not just a pretty girl
147) "How did you know you were trans?" Part 1 - Escape from Alcatraz
What IS downright fascinating about this though, is HOW a person who has lived for all those years with a certain understanding, then comes to realize a whole different understanding (which they feel is the truth), about themselves!
It’s like, instead of asking how someone ended up in jail, ask them how they escaped! What was their “Get Out of Jail Free” card?
There is a deep lesson in here that goes far beyond being trans gender or cis gender or whatever else. It gets down to the foundation of what it means to feel like we are Somebody at all.
146) Clara Dolderman: My coming out story
People who are in transition, or who are questioning their gender and trying to figure themselves out, really need acceptance, because let me tell you, the more that your social world threatens to reject you, the WAY harder this ends up being for the person. They need to accept themselves, because it’s Who They Are. And it sure is a lot harder to accept and love yourself, if the people around you don’t.
145) Coming Full Circle: Part 5 — The Bleeding Hearts and The Artists Make Their Stand
There’s no sense pretending we are not in this situation, just like there’s no sense in a budding sapling pretending it didn’t germinate in poor soil, if that’s the reality.
No, that sapling has to grow those roots deeper, and proliferate its root system so thoroughly that it gets the life energy it needs to survive and thrive. Right there, in the poor soil it was planted it. Or, it dies.