204) The Salvation of Eden, Chapter 36: Kohra's emotions, Dom's wisdom, and the birth of possibly the dumbest idea ever
“Plus, remember? Four THOUSAND gold?” Adopting his best Gorb-accent, he raised his hand as though holding a mug for a cheers. “Follow d’Light, lass!”
183) The Salvation of Eden, Chapter 18 -- The Seat of the Will
She remembered how much she loved, as a little kid, sitting in a dark closet or an old shed, watching the shiny specks dancing in shafts of soft light coming through a crack in the door.
I hope we never get rid of dusty places. I think that’s maybe why I still believe in fairies. How could dust motes be anything other than some form of sentience?
140) Wow…weird. I healed: Part 4 - Backlash (or, as my therapist likes to say, "Shame is a tricky bastard")
If you are on a path of healing, you are also on a path of backlash. It’ll happen, and when it does, it’s VERY HELPFUL to remember, it’s ok; it’s just a backlash; keep going.
111) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 5: What Backlash can teach us about ourselves
But the inner emptiness eventually must be faced. We crash, through relationship failure, career burnout, addictions spiralling, etc. In one way or another, karma catches up with us.
102) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness: Part 2 - Stigmatization and the disempowerment of the struggling
When you find yourself struggling with mental illness, the “personal responsibility” mantra all-too-often reinforces the already-deeply-internalized sense that there is “something wrong with you”. Society’s stigmatization of those who struggle with mental health, coheres so seamlessly with that “inner critic” that it starts to seem accurate.
96) Abuse, Trauma, Shame, and Healing
In an upcoming series of posts, I am going to explore the dynamics of the inner monster that seems to doom so many people to suffer lives of loneliness and limitation — Shame.
As we go through these posts, we’ll explore where Shame comes from, what it feels like, how it works, and how to heal and be transformed by it in a “positive” way.
Some of the posts will be experientially-written, poetic, descriptive or metaphoric. Some will be analytical and theoretical. Some will be practical, like a Wikihow article.
My goals/hopes are to touch your heart, sharpen your understanding, and help you build a skillset to heal from shame and free yourself.
34) Less than half, and none of the important ones: Part 4
I believe that healing starts with feeling.
Feeling the truth of your pain. Feeling the ache of loneliness that seems to open into infinite blackness in your heart. Feeling the guilt that eats away at you for the ways you know, deep down inside, that you have failed people, or yourself. Feeling your awfulness. Your grief. Your desperation. Your failures. If you don’t first stop and FEEL the soft, suffering animal that you are, then you will spend your life trying to hammer yourself into shape. This won’t make you stronger; it will just make you bruised and broken and exhausted. The “road to self-improvement” will become more like a hamster wheel, a treadmill that takes you nowhere.
33) Less than half, and none of the important ones: Part 3
“She said she had made a list of all the qualities she wanted in a partner. At the end, she concluded, “he has less than half. And none of the important ones.”
This was the end of my sanity, for a long time. I don’t know why. I just stopped being a person. I was a blank page. And anything written on me turned into invisible ink.
…..Less than half, and none of the important ones. I hate that phrase. It still haunts me, practically every day.”
32) Less than half, and none of the important ones: Part 2
Independence is a delusion. And it’s a dangerous one. Anyone who has been abused knows the deep truth of interdependence, right in their very bodies. The assaulted. The betrayed. The terrorized. The gas-lighted. But also the lonely. The invisible. The unwanted. The ridiculed and rejected.
People live out, in their consciousnesses, their bodies’ attempts to ‘process’ what has happened to them in life; we construct our entire ‘selves’ around this problem of body-world adaptation. It’s good to remember that.
31) Less than half, and none of the important ones: Part 1
Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone’s harshness? Criticism? Gas-lighting? Name-calling? Bullying? Shaming? Humiliating? Lying?
Well, “sticks and stones may break your bones but words….”
Just stop. Right there. Because “words can never hurt you” is absolute, dangerous, bullshit. Words can break your heart, poison your mind, even destroy your life.