204) The Salvation of Eden, Chapter 36: Kohra's emotions, Dom's wisdom, and the birth of possibly the dumbest idea ever

In the morning, Kohra didn’t feel like getting out of bed. What was the point? She told Dev she wasn’t feeling well and was going to skip practice, but she’d see how she felt later. 

Devona was nice about it at least. She said she’d tell Lenny when she saw her, and left for breakfast. Kohra felt guilty for deceiving her. Although maybe she really was sick. She certainly felt crappy enough. 

A few moments later, the door opened soundlessly and Dominic’s head popped around the doorframe, smiling. She returned it, reluctantly. She didn’t want to talk. 

Holding one finger to his lips, he closed the door carefully, then tiptoed into the room in a comically exaggerated “sneak.”

Her smile was more genuine this time. What a goof.  

Then the tears came. They surprised her but she didn’t try to stop them. Dominic sat on her bed.

“It feels so hopeless,” she managed. 

He squeezed one of her shoulders. “I know. I sometimes —”

She interrupted, “No, I guess, I feel so hopeless. Me.” Kohra stopped crying. The tears just, dried up. “It was all wrong even before all this happened. It’s me. There’s something…wrong with me.”

“Kohra, you don’t —” he began, but again she interrupted.

“We had everything, Dom. We had a life! Family! Friends! All the freedom to do whatever we wanted, most of the time. And I was like this even then.” 

Kohra paused. Dominic was looking at her with clear concern. She felt guilty, bringing all this up. What was she hoping to get out of it anyway?

“I feel sometimes like nothing really affects me. Good things, bad things, they happen somewhere, like behind a curtain, or like I’m wrapped in a cocoon and nothing can really touch me. It’s like when you hear about something bad happening to someone else and you’re like, ‘Hmmm, yeah, that’s crappy’, but you don’t really FEEL it? You know?”

He nodded, staying silent. In truth, he didn’t know, couldn’t know what Kohra was talking about. To Dominic, life was full; every day brought new opportunities, and it literally never, ever, occurred to him NOT to feel whatever he was feeling at a particular moment. Feelings were just part of being alive; why turn away from them? But he nodded, wanting at least to show her that he was listening. 

“But then things DO affect me,” Kohra continued, clearly on a roll, her “not wanting to talk” having vanished in the deluge of her feelings. “They affect me too much! It’s like, I feel numb and ‘far away’ sometimes, but then I feel EVERYTHING. I feel every failure; I feel everyone’s pain; I feel it all! And then I get to a point where it’s like I don’t even care anymore. Except I do, like, so much it drives me nuts.” She smirked, taking a deep breath. “It’s like one of your paradoxes.”

He smiled in response. She wasn’t sure he understood, but hey, at least someone was listening. And now that the floodgates were open, she didn’t want to contain it all any longer. 

“I feel too much maybe. I feel guilty. All the time. I remember everything I’ve done wrong. All the people I’ve let down. In so many ways.”

She frowned. “Even, like with Shaping, I can’t really do it. When we practice, you know, me and Dev and Lenny? I am the weak link. I know it. They know it. I think I might just step out. Maybe use the time for crossbow practice or something. They’ll progress faster without me. And, I don’t know, I guess that’s better for everybody.” 

There was a long pause. She looked over at Dominic, half-hoping he would say something, but half-hoping he wouldn’t. He looked a bit stunned, like he didn’t know what to say. 

Her thoughts floated like dandelion floofs caught on spring breezes, impish and unruly. She wanted to tell him everything, because every one thing connected to so many other things. She wanted to talk and talk. But she felt she’d probably said too much already. So she just looked at him blankly, and he looked blankly back. 

“I don’t know if I can make you understand.” She frowned at him, wanting to provoke something, some kind of response.

He nodded randomly, like a scarecrow hit by a sudden breeze. 

“Thanks for listening.” She tried to smile, but gave it up. The whole thing felt so lame. Like singing halfway through “Happy birthday” and then stopping. 

Dominic cleared his throat. “I’m, uh, not usually so good at talking about this stuff —”

Kohra interrupted immediately. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean, you don’t have to —”

“No, just, just LISTEN, okay? I’m trying to say…I hear you. I do. I hear you. But I don’t understand. It makes no sense why you feel so…BAD about things. Especially yourself! You’re so great! Everybody thinks so! I think so! People like being around you! You’re interesting! You care about people! You’re funny, and kind, and thoughtful! And when it really matters, you’re brave! You are, Kohra. You’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met. You talk to strangers like they’re your friends. You NEVER back down from an argument when you feel like it matters. I’ve even seen you argue with Ms. B! You’ve got it. Like…you’ve got fire, Kohra.”

He paused. Then, somewhat subdued, continued. “And you’re, you’re like my sister. I mean, think of what we’ve been through together. I know almost everything about you. I even know how crazy you think you are! And hey, I’m still here. You can’t be THAT terrible!” 

She didn’t say anything; she was looking down, unsuccessfully trying to hide her tears.
  “This is why, when you say all these things, I don’t know what to say. I can’t say, ‘Yeah Kohra, I understand’, because I don’t! You have this feeling about yourself, but it’s not real! It’s not true! It’s just, I don’t know. It’s just something you hang onto, but nobody else even sees.”

She didn’t know what to say. She knew he meant what he was saying. She just couldn’t feel it, couldn’t let it in. And she didn’t know why. 

“Thanks Dom. That means a lot.” She knew her voice sounded flat. She didn’t mean for it to.

He nodded. Then smiled. He seemed to feel that he’d made a difference. They’d had “a moment.” Kohra smiled back. 

Dominic raised his eyebrows conspiratorially. “So, can I tell you why I came here in the first place? It’s sort of a major switch of topics.”

She laughed. “That’s probably for the best.”
“Okay,” he whispered. “So, I’m telling you, and only you. Okay?”

She sat up smartly. “Sure, I’m in. Let’s go get arrested or something.”

He laughed again. “You might want to wait until you hear what it is. But okay, okay, seriously, here’s the thing — you know this creature they are calling the Reaper? I think I know what it is.” 

“You do?” She was skeptical, waiting for the punch line. No way was Kohra the Gullible going to be the butt of his joke this time….

“Yes.” His eyes were bright and lively; he didn’t seem to be joking. And for sure, there wasn’t much in the worlds that Dominic loved more than a mysterious monster to figure out. Kohra’s sinking feeling resurged.

“I remember Dad telling me about a creature that sounded very similar to this one. He called it a Shatter. They’re extremely, extremely rare. They aren’t related to any other species; it’s like they’re not part of the natural order at all. Dad said that they were invented, like golems. And get this.” He dropped his voice back to a whisper. “He said they are harbingers of a coming destruction. I don’t remember all the details. But….” He paused for dramatic effect. 

  “But, what?” Kohra demanded, her stress at his excitement building. “What is this really about, Dom?”

“If I’m right, then I know how to kill it.”

“WHAT?!?!” She put her hands on her hips. “No! No no no no no no no no NO! Dominic, I am NOT entertaining this idea, not even for one second. We, no, YOU need some guidance. From someone wise. Like, today.”

“Gorb’s a LightSinger. And he’s all for it.”

“A DIFFERENT LightSinger then!” she snapped. “One that can free a person’s mind from madness! Because you have gone mad! This is not happening! Never! Were you not listening to Juanita? All those people it killed?” She glared at him, as if by the sheer power of her gaze she could declare this discussion officially over and done with. 

“Just…No.”

He grinned, ignoring her outburst entirely. “Hey, the more you know about your enemy —”
She threw her pillow at him, and he ducked, laughing. “Listen! Listen! Kohra, it’s just LEARNING!”

She threw her sandal, bouncing it off his neck. 

“OW! Kohra! Stop! Seriously!”

She wound up with the other one. 

“Listen, just for a minute, one minute, and I’ll make my case. For the pursuit of wisdom, Kohra. You’re all into that, right?” 

She rolled her eyes, frowning. “Fine. One minute then. But that’s it.” She crossed her arms, counting silently in her mind.

Dominic took a deep breath. “Okay, so, it’s a little complicated to explain. But, based on what Dad said about the Shatter, the reason the soldiers always missed it and it would appear somewhere other than where they thought it was, is because a Shatter can exist in two dimensions at the same time.”

“Two dimensions?” She made no effort not to sound sarcastic. “That makes zero sense, Dominic. You don’t even know what a ‘dimension’ is; it’s just a made-up word by people who are so dissatisfied with our actual Reality that they imagine alternate ones so they can feel life is meaningful or something. Give me a break.”

“What do you mean? Kohra, that’s as simple as I can make it! There’s one dimension, like this one, where we live, in Eden and with our families and the ground beneath our feet and the sky above, and all THIS!” He swept his arms outward in a big circle. “But there ARE other dimensions! Like, where do you think Ms B’s faeries live? Huh? And spirits? Ghosts? Demons?” He paused. “Come on, Kohra, you know there are other dimensions!” He paused, frowning. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I know what alternate dimensions of existence are, Dominic. Or at least what people believe. But even IF there are, which I highly doubt, it’s still impossible to exist in two separate dimensions at the same time! It’d be like standing on your feet and on your head, simultaneously. It’s impossible!”

“Unless you’re in a box, exactly the same height as you, and it’s spinning around.” He grinned.

Kohra rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean!”

Dominic took a deep breath. He was pretty used to Kohra’s obstinacy, and it didn’t usually bother him. In fact, most of the time he thought she was kind of funny. It was one of the things he liked about her, the fact that she would get all riled up about something, but then, eventually, she would listen to reason. Kohra WAS stubborn, but she was also open-minded. 

He smiled. Paradox.

“I agree, Kohra, for the most part. Almost all creatures live in only one dimension at a time. And that’s what is so unique, and deadly, about the Shatter. The way I understand it is kind of like when a person has an out-of-body experience. Like, a clairvoyant, or an astral traveler. Apparently, their minds can exist both in this world and the astral plane, or the spirit world, or whatever. So in that way, they ARE in two dimensions at once.”
“Well, maybe your mind can do that,” Kohra admitted reluctantly. “But there’s no way your body can.”

Dominic was giving her “that look,” the smug one he got when he knew he had backed you into a corner. She sighed. “What?”

He grinned. “So, you’re telling me that your mind and your body are two different things?”

She grimaced. He laughed. Then she laughed too.

“Okay, fine. So, IF it’s possible to be in two dimensions at once, then how does it do it? And how does knowing this help us know how to kill it?”

He nodded, grinning even more enthusiastically now that Kohra was ready to hear his ideas. “What Dad thought, is that the Shatter can choose, moment by moment, whether to appear in this dimension or in the other one. When attacked, it rapidly switches back and forth. It’s like —”

She gasped. “It’s like it doesn’t exist at all! It can’t be hit, because in the very moment before and in the very moment after, it didn’t exist in the same dimension as the thing that’s hitting it!”

Dominic paused, then slowly nodded. “I think what you said makes sense.”

She frowned, crossing her arms for emphasis. “Anyway, this is great! You should give this information to someone who can do something with it. I’m sure the local militia will be grateful. Or hey, just tell it to everyone in Juanita’s tonight, and word will spread quick enough.” She smiled. “Way to go, Dom; you’ll be the town hero!”

He laughed confidently. “You mean WE will be town heroes.” He waited until she looked up, then winked. “When we kill it.”

“DOMINIC!”

Quite suddenly, he put one hand squarely on her shoulder, like he was having a real heart-to-heart with her, and looked her straight in the eye. “Kohra, if this thing is what I think it is, then I promise you, we can take it. Easy. It’s only deadly because of its multi-dimensional existence. Once that is stopped, and I know how to do that, then it’s like anything else. Put an arrow in its neck, and game over.”

He gave her shoulder a little squeeze. “I KNOW we can do this.” 

Kohra shook her head.

“Plus, remember? Four THOUSAND gold?” Adopting his best Gorb-accent, he raised his hand as though holding a mug for a cheers. “Follow d’Light, lass!”

Kohra shook her head, as implacable as ever. “There is no way I’m agreeing that a few kids and a drunk ex-LightSinger are going to bring down a monster ravaging a town. Dom, this isn’t some adventure story. This is ridiculous.”

He nodded in mock seriousness. “Okay party pooper, I agree. Then just get off your butt and let’s go on a little fact-finding mission. Come on, it’ll be fun.” 

She crossed her arms even more tightly, squinting like he was causing her gastrointestinal distress. “What are you talking about?”

He picked up a waterskin and slung it over his shoulder. “Just come on. I’m going to talk to this Kylryvyn guy. You know, the guy Juanita told us about? The sole survivor?” 

Kohra scowled, shaking her head. 

“Look, let’s just go TALK to him. Think of how mad my dad’ll be when he finds out we had this great chance to talk to someone who actually fought a Shatter, and we didn’t even bother?” He looked at her pointedly. “Tell you what, you can explain to him why we sat around an Inn moping over a pretty lady when we could’ve been doing RESEARCH!”

Kohra blushed, looking down in shock. 

Dominic laughed, then whispered, “Yes, it is that obvious.” He gave her shoulder another squeeze. “Now let’s go! We’re on a Quest! To the Stockyards!” He stood up and raised a fist into the air, as if he could fly straight into the sky.

“Gods,” Kohra groaned. “I was planning to lay in bed all day feeling sorry for myself.”

He nodded, looking very serious. “That does sound like balls of fun. But you might prove indispensable to this Quest, who knows? Maybe he has a thing for Elf girls.” 

“Dom!” She punched him in the shoulder. 

He hit her with a pillow.

“Great! When do we leave?” asked Lenny, sitting straight up in the other bed. 

“LENNY!” Kohra screeched. “What the Hells? Have you been here this whole time?”

Lenny yawned, stretching her arms as though she was waking from a long nap. “Yep!” She yawned again. ”Don’t worry. Lenny is great at keeping secrets.”

Kohra turned away. She couldn’t even think about the fact that Lenny had heard her…personal stuff…. She closed her eyes, wishing, really, really hard, that the earth would open up and just swallow her. Nice and simple.

“Piece of advice, Kohra?” Lenny said after a moment. Kohra shrugged, looking at the wall. 

“Talking and thinking don’t matter. Only actions do.” 

She was going to say something cynical. But, why bother? Lenny wouldn’t care anyway. Feeling like she had to do something, ANYTHING, to escape her embarrassment at her whole emotional outpouring of earlier, she pulled on her traveling cloak and slipped into her sandals. “Fine, let’s go.”

They left by the back door, sure that the others wouldn’t notice their absence for a while, engrossed as they probably were with Juanita’s breakfast. Kohra’s stomach growled. Breakfast….

“Here!” Lenny gave her a sausage from a bulging bag she was carrying. “There’s cookies too. But!” (she adopted a strict, parental tone), “If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any cookies!” 

Dominic laughed. “How can you have any cookies, if you don’t eat your meat?”

Munching on sausages and cookies, they walked into town.