269) A Trans Girl Playing Chess
You cannot TRY to live with wisdom. Kind of like Yoda said, “Do or do not; there is no try.” You cannot TRY to be authentic. You can just be authentic, or not. Because the simple truth is, if you are not fully connected within yourself, if you are not plugged into your Self, if you are not grounded in Love, then everything is half-hearted.
And as Rumi says, “Half-heartedness does not reach into majesty.”
139) Wow…weird. I healed: Part 3 - The Spontaneous, Seemingly-Magical Transformation of Motivation
Keep in mind, the “self help industry” is an INDUSTRY. It, decidedly, does NOT thrive on wellness, but ironically, on illness. Nothing quite as good for the bottom line than repeat customers!
138) Wow…weird. I healed: Part 2 -- The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Self-Improvement
Keeping an open mind & heart is one of the most fundamental necessities of a healthy life, and of wisdom in general. It seems terribly difficult for people, especially some people, to do this, to accept the uncertainty of opening to new ways of thinking, or to appreciate values, lifestyles, beliefs, that are different from their own.
137) Wow…weird. I healed: Part 1: The struggle and the miracle
Do you struggle with this feeling, like you “can’t” share positive things about yourself? Do you know where it comes from? Because that’s a pretty good place to start if you want to get through it, and eventually be free from it
134) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 13: Avoiding the Shit
The only thing we really get better at by avoiding our problems, is avoiding our problems. We become Level 10 Shit Avoiders. Our defence mechanisms, fantasy thinking, distractions and other “coping strategies” become our super-powers. Pretty shitty super-powers, eh? No wonder Marvel and DC don’t have movies about Avoidance Man fighting bad guys….
133) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 12: You are strong enough
If it’s been hard to read this, I’m sorry. But if it’s the truth, then it’s the truth.
This can change. You are strong enough. Your ancestors made sure of that.
124) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 10: Finding out who you really are: Rational self-analysis
The family of techniques I am calling “rational self-analysis”, work, therefore, by orienting you towards things that are compatible with your “authenticity”. As you decide, discover, and become more aware of “who you really are”, you will therefore pattern your life more effectively around things that are compatible with your authentic self. Instead of running around trying to please other people all the time, or trying to hide or make up for your perceived deficiencies, or trying to “cope” with the stresses of life, you will instead be more capable at exercising your agency effectively. You will become a more powerful actor in the world.
110) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 4: Healing, when you hate yourself
In any case, you’re going to hate Backlash. And you’re going to feel like Backlash hates you too. No matter how many times you make excellent, rock-solid plans to “get better”, Backlash is, for sure, going to come along and screw them all up. That’s just what it does. Asking it not to is like asking a dog not to wag its tail or a cat not to act superior to the idiotic dog wagging its tail.
103) From Shitty-ness to Wellness: Part 3 - The Self-Improvement Treadmill and Its Perpetuation of Trauma
As you go through life and learn more about yourself, you may at some point decide to really take your well-being into your own hands, and DO SOMETHING about it. Some people succeed spectacularly in this quest, or at least it seems that way on Instagram. But no small number of us try, and try, and try, year after year, with our self-improvement goals and checklists and resolutions and vision boards and buddy systems and therapists and support groups and exercise programs and gurus and mindfulness leaders and spiritual books and self-help trends. And the next year, we’re still at it. Then the next decade.
97) Dear Abuser,
I once believed you were the Wizard, but behind the curtain, you are starving, sadly trying to subsist on mere illusions. As with all tyrants, I now see that you are a prisoner.
But long before I saw this, long before I had the intellectual scaffolding, the emotional distance, or the social validation to see that we both lived in a prison of your making, your words bathed me, held, soothed, formed, judged and condemned me.
96) Abuse, Trauma, Shame, and Healing
In an upcoming series of posts, I am going to explore the dynamics of the inner monster that seems to doom so many people to suffer lives of loneliness and limitation — Shame.
As we go through these posts, we’ll explore where Shame comes from, what it feels like, how it works, and how to heal and be transformed by it in a “positive” way.
Some of the posts will be experientially-written, poetic, descriptive or metaphoric. Some will be analytical and theoretical. Some will be practical, like a Wikihow article.
My goals/hopes are to touch your heart, sharpen your understanding, and help you build a skillset to heal from shame and free yourself.
94) The Day I Saw My Future Unfold
I read a love poem once. It was titled “The Day I Saw My Future Unfold.” It was about a walk in a forest. The vibrancy of life. Beauty. The ecstasy of truly trusting someone with your whole heart. It sounded so perfect.
I wonder if their future unfolded the way they saw it.
So often, it doesn’t.
But in any terrain, you choose your path.
88) Jordan Peterson: Part 7 - Psychology at the Ending of the World; Subsection 2 - The Doctrine of Original Awesomeness
Learning to be a responsible, productive, healthy, moral and reasonably successful human being does NOT come from rules. It comes from having one’s inner goodness nurtured, embraced, accepted and loved PLUS having one’s inner shittiness also embraced, accepted and loved, so that the power of being loved and accepted in our totality teaches us that we ARE “good”! We ARE worthwhile, beautiful, wonderful little beings. Maybe we don’t exactly behave that way all the time, but intrinsically, we are creatures of love, far more than we are creatures of selfishness.
87) Jordan Peterson: Part 7 - Psychology at the Ending of the World; Subsection 1: Where Jordan is Wrong AF
So along comes Jordan Peterson, with his “12 Rules for Life”, promising us the “antidote to chaos.” Like every snake-oil salesman of the past, his advice may very likely be ineffective, OR, ends up causing exactly the problem he is promising to cure. Based on the Judaeo-Christian framework which Jordan argues is the foundation of Western morality and ethics, this would be considered, well, downright evil.
67) Purpose: A Four-part series -- Part 1 -- "Tearing Down the Wall"
The antidote to suffering and alienation, is love. It’s trusting. Reaching out for connection. It’s admitting weakness, accepting yourself, and accepting the Other. It’s embracing the unknown, together. It’s courage, in the Brene Brown sense of speaking your truth, with your whole heart.
58) Jordan Peterson, Part 5: The Perfect House Problem; Subsection 1 - He Who Is Without Sin
Jordan Peterson wants to save the world from the horrors of the Gulag, from the 100 million corpses he talks about. But right here, in Rule #6 of “12 Rules for Life,” he gives us close to the WORST POSSIBLE advice for preventing more chaos, more hundreds of millions of corpses.
51) The strongest man I ever knew: A memorial
You taught me to ‘be strong.’ But ‘strong’ isn’t an impervious cocoon that only opens to the grave. A ‘strong’ is someone strong enough to be open in life, to be loved, to express sorrow, to forgive, to admit weakness, to say “I’m sorry,” and to set things right.
50) Dirty Feet (TW: suicide, sexual assault)
Thinking about suicide has been my main hobby for 14 years, 7 months and 16 days.
You were right about sexual assault, especially for kids.
“It makes you see yourself as a demon. So you check-out, dissociate, a lot of the time, because who wants to be a demon?”
I realize why I kept this fantasy alive for so long.
I believed the only worthy thing to do with my life was make sure my last act will be one of love.
38) Jordan Peterson: Part 1: Problems with fundamental assumptions
In the most succinct way I can put it, I think a good part of Jordan’s recent public narrative has a deep and fundamental problem — it is Foolish.
36) Jordan Peterson: Prologue - A personal note
I feel it’s important to try here, and share a few thoughts about the whole phenomenon of Jordan Peterson. It’s….complicated to get into, personally, for a bunch of reasons….which is why I’m starting this series of essays with this ‘personal prologue’, because I think it is important to contextualize my views.