264) The Doctrine of Original Awesomeness, Part 1 -- (Also, Day 32 -- Reason #32 to revolt against Predatory Capitalism)
Today I want to root out one of the biggest delusions in all human history. And replace it with a liberating, vibrant, beautiful, uplifting truth about “human nature”.
163) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 16: The Final Step to Rational Self-analysis; Sub-section 4 -- Eating Better
With cooking, there are a few basic heuristics, that can REVOLUTIONIZE your cooking. Without becoming an expert, without memorizing a bunch of stuff, without following a bunch of recipes, you can still turn yourself from a frozen-pizza type of cook, to “Hey! This is really good!” type of cook.
162) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 16 - The Final Step to Rational Self-analysis; Sub-section 3 -- The Life-Altering Sorcery of Combining CONTEXT with Competence
The more precise you can get, in terms of the behaviours you need to undertake in order to accomplish your goals, the better. Because, once you have precisely identified The Things you need to Do, then, as illustrated above, you can pull the precise CONTEXTUAL levers that you need, in order to make Doing The Thing into the default, the Thing that is practically the easiest to do in that situation.
139) Wow…weird. I healed: Part 3 - The Spontaneous, Seemingly-Magical Transformation of Motivation
Keep in mind, the “self help industry” is an INDUSTRY. It, decidedly, does NOT thrive on wellness, but ironically, on illness. Nothing quite as good for the bottom line than repeat customers!
136) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 15: FACT Exercise #2 -- Choosing Meaning over Control
If you feel shitty, that’s ok. I mean, it’s not exactly great, like yay, yippee, I feel shitty! No, but its “ok” in the sense that feeling shitty is just part of life. It’s inevitable.
But we have more strength than we are so often willing to tap into. If we HAVE TO, we can overcome those shitty feelings. At least for a while. At least for long enough to get some Really Important Things done.
135) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 14: FACT Exercise #1 -- Focusing
The thing about telescopes (and microscopes, and binoculars), is that you can’t see shit out of them until you get them aimed and focused properly. Before you do that, they’re actually worse than your naked eyes; everything is just a blur and you have no idea what you’re looking at.
Self-healing and personal growth are exactly like that. Until you know what you’re aiming at, and focus yourself properly, you’re not going to get anywhere by “trying to improve”. You might even get worse, because there’s nothing quite like failing, for someone who struggles not to feel like a failure.
134) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 13: Avoiding the Shit
The only thing we really get better at by avoiding our problems, is avoiding our problems. We become Level 10 Shit Avoiders. Our defence mechanisms, fantasy thinking, distractions and other “coping strategies” become our super-powers. Pretty shitty super-powers, eh? No wonder Marvel and DC don’t have movies about Avoidance Man fighting bad guys….
132) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 11: FACT cares about your feelings
This is about YOU, living the way your heart most deeply desires. It’s about YOU finding your life more meaningful. It’s about learning to intuitively connect with that which makes your heart sing. And if you’re doing THAT, then who cares how much someone else has accomplished?
88) Jordan Peterson: Part 7 - Psychology at the Ending of the World; Subsection 2 - The Doctrine of Original Awesomeness
Learning to be a responsible, productive, healthy, moral and reasonably successful human being does NOT come from rules. It comes from having one’s inner goodness nurtured, embraced, accepted and loved PLUS having one’s inner shittiness also embraced, accepted and loved, so that the power of being loved and accepted in our totality teaches us that we ARE “good”! We ARE worthwhile, beautiful, wonderful little beings. Maybe we don’t exactly behave that way all the time, but intrinsically, we are creatures of love, far more than we are creatures of selfishness.
74) The Law of Attraction -- A Favourite Weapon of Abusers
Many people believe in the Law of Attraction. Itʼs practically a truism for many (not all, thank god) personal-growth devotees, spiritual practitioners, New Agey-types, go-getters and motivational coaches. Itʼs a truism for the people who write books and sell inspirational videos about….the Law of Attraction. They make tons of sweet, sweet cash off it. Thatʼs because they BELIEVE in it!
See? It works!
34) Less than half, and none of the important ones: Part 4
I believe that healing starts with feeling.
Feeling the truth of your pain. Feeling the ache of loneliness that seems to open into infinite blackness in your heart. Feeling the guilt that eats away at you for the ways you know, deep down inside, that you have failed people, or yourself. Feeling your awfulness. Your grief. Your desperation. Your failures. If you don’t first stop and FEEL the soft, suffering animal that you are, then you will spend your life trying to hammer yourself into shape. This won’t make you stronger; it will just make you bruised and broken and exhausted. The “road to self-improvement” will become more like a hamster wheel, a treadmill that takes you nowhere.
33) Less than half, and none of the important ones: Part 3
“She said she had made a list of all the qualities she wanted in a partner. At the end, she concluded, “he has less than half. And none of the important ones.”
This was the end of my sanity, for a long time. I don’t know why. I just stopped being a person. I was a blank page. And anything written on me turned into invisible ink.
…..Less than half, and none of the important ones. I hate that phrase. It still haunts me, practically every day.”
32) Less than half, and none of the important ones: Part 2
Independence is a delusion. And it’s a dangerous one. Anyone who has been abused knows the deep truth of interdependence, right in their very bodies. The assaulted. The betrayed. The terrorized. The gas-lighted. But also the lonely. The invisible. The unwanted. The ridiculed and rejected.
People live out, in their consciousnesses, their bodies’ attempts to ‘process’ what has happened to them in life; we construct our entire ‘selves’ around this problem of body-world adaptation. It’s good to remember that.
31) Less than half, and none of the important ones: Part 1
Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone’s harshness? Criticism? Gas-lighting? Name-calling? Bullying? Shaming? Humiliating? Lying?
Well, “sticks and stones may break your bones but words….”
Just stop. Right there. Because “words can never hurt you” is absolute, dangerous, bullshit. Words can break your heart, poison your mind, even destroy your life.
12) Ninja Training, Part 3: My first Habit
You will probably find this implicit layer of self-criticism and disappointment/rejection behind most of your own failed goal attempts. this is your “Inner Critic.” We’re going to talk more in the future about what to do about this nasty person most of us have allowed to take up residence in our psyche. But for now, we can’t slay, or heal that Inner Critic here, so we’re going to outsmart it instead.
11) Ninja Training, part 2: WISE goals
I am presenting to the world, the Dolderman Theory of Intrinsic Motivation. This is rooted in complex systems thinking, humanistic psychology, and modern integrative social-developmental neuroscience. But for now, let’s stick with the fun, useful part.
My claim: WISE goals rule, especially for long-term happiness. They wipe the walls with those silly SMART goals we’re always being coached to set….
What are WISE goals? They are Wicked, Illuminating, Sexy, and Effervescent
10.1) Important theory stuff if you're skeptical about Intrinsic Motivation
Rather than our culture’s general obsession with “happiness”, this deeper kind of fulfillment hearkens back to the ancient idea of eudaimonia (you-die-moan-ee-ah). Which, when you spell it out phonetically like that, sounds pretty morbid. But it’s actually way cooler than dying and moaning. It roughly means “excellence”.
10) Ninja Training -- Habit Change, part 1 (or how to stop "being a loser")
One thing life has taught me, is that my generically good intentions to do cool things with myself in the future, usually don’t pan out, if left to ‘just happen.’ I haven’t learned the languages or instruments I thought I would have, travelled to most of the places, donated as much time or money to helping people, watched as many sunsets. It’s the classic problem. And sure, I’ve done some cool things in my life…but there’s so much I’ve never gotten around to…
9) Stop trying to hit me. And hit me!
But have I ever “really engaged”? Seen what I could really do? Rose to the challenges of my own desire for personal growth and authenticity? Or have I merely placated my desires with the fantasy of “that time in the future” — when I yell my battle cry, shake the dust out of my soul, and “really give ‘er”. And man, it’s gonna be GLORIOUS! I’m going to change EVERYTHING!