201) The Salvation of Eden, Chapter 34 -- The whole is greater than the sum of its parts

Their first tasks were to find a place, and something to use for targets.

            Both turned out to be far easier than Kohra expected. She had prepared a long, complicated cover story for Juanita, about how they were aspiring circus performers and they wanted a space where they could practice some of their routines. But she didn’t get that far. As soon as she asked for a “secluded spot” and some firewood, Juanita’s eyes lit up devilishly, and she put one finger to Kohra’s lips.

            “Say no more,” she cooed. “For you girls, I have the perfect place. Down by the pond, on the far side of the woodshed, there’s lots of space, completely private. Help yourself to the wood and…have a good time!” Then she added, in a thoughtfully-secretive whisper. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.”

            Her smile was coy, knowing, like they were both in on some kind of secret. Kohra had no idea what the secret was, or why Juanita seemed so happy, even giddy.  She hadn’t even told her all that stuff about the circus!

* * * * *

            The spot was perfect.  Once behind the woodshed, in a little clearing of damp woodchips and sparse weeds, they were completely blocked from view from either the Inn or the road. They set up hunks of firewood for targets and then…looked at each other.

            “What do we do now?” Kohra asked.

            Lenny shrugged.

            “What if we start with what we each know?” Devona suggested. “Like Magic 101!”

            “Huh?” Lenny queried. “How do you know it’s not 102? Or 84? Or 3?”

            Kohra stifled her laugh. Oh Lenny….

            “Forget it,” Devona replied. “It’s not important.”
            “What?!” Lenny exclaimed. “Now we’re just gonna forget it?” She gestured around at their little spot and the firewood targets. “What the Hells, Dev?! We went to all this trouble!”

            “No, no, just forget about the Magic 101 thing. It’s not important.”

            “Oh, cool.” Lenny seemed satisfied. “Can’t see why you’d even mention something so immediately irrelevant though. Look at all the time we just spent on it!”

            Kohra snickered.

            Devona rolled her eyes, but after taking a couple of deep, calming breaths while Lenny stared at her, decided to let it drop. “Ok, who wants to start?”

            One by one, they each explained what they understood about using the Flux.

For Kohra, it was mainly what Gorb had taught her, about feelings, the swinging door, the choice to point outwards, not inwards, and finding the seat of your will in the subtle feelings of the body.

            For Devona, it was a process of detaching, of separating your “self” from your specific corporeal form, freeing your consciousness from the confines of your physical body, through an act of surrendering.

            That didn’t make any sense to Kohra. Hadn’t Ms. B talked about this kind of thing, and said not to do it? “It sounds like you’re talking about some kind of…possession.” She frowned at Dev’s smile.

            “Of course not!” Devona frowned. “Kohra, it’s just complicated. Maybe you’re not ready to understand this part yet, but let’s stick to what’s important for us being able to learn from each other.”

            Kohra didn’t respond, looking down at the ground. Dev’s words had stung. What is up with her?  Why does she ALWAYS insist on being superior?

            She dug her toe into the dirt, making a little divot. Or maybe it’s true. I mean, I DON’T understand. Maybe I’m not ready. She frowned, feeling that familiar hollowness inside.

            Lenny didn’t seem to understand what either of them was talking about. For her it “just happened.” She said it was like sneezing. She would feel the urge to make something happen with the Flux and…it happened!

This also wasn’t helpful, but Lenny said she couldn’t make it any more clear. “It’s like trying to tell someone how to breathe.”  In return, she thought their descriptions were, as she put it, “Wacko. Way too complicated. You’re taking falling off a log, and making it into some kind of complicated technique that doesn’t even work very well!”

Strangely, Lenny’s comments were far easier for Kohra to accept. She’s right. Lenny’s way better at Shaping than either of us.

“Okay so….” Kohra paused, uncertain. “What about, like, how do you bring different effects out of the Flux? Lenny, let’s say you want to make your cold-thingy happen,” (“FrostBlast,” Lenny interjected), “or something totally different, like the mind-message you sent to Devona,” (“Telepathizing,” Lenny interjected again).

            “Right,” Kohra smiled. “How do you Shape the Flux into such different things?”

            “Oh that’s easy to explain,” Lenny replied confidently. “It’s like pottery. But with energy. And using your whole body. Especially your mind. You just bend yourself, and the Flux bends with you.” She looked back at Kohra triumphantly, like it couldn’t possibly be more clear.

            Kohra smiled politely. “Uh, okay. Dev?”     

“For me, it’s more like, like an agreement.” Devona stopped suddenly, looking down as she clicked her fingernails together, which she often did when she was nervous.

Kohra wanted to reach out for her hand. But she settled for smiling and hoping she looked reassuring.

“I’ve never tried putting it into words before. It’s…it’s really personal. It’s like I surrender, sort of, like I step back so that They, I mean, it, the Flux can, uh, channel its power through me. That’s…what it’s like for me?”

She was blushing. It was charming, to see her this way, Kohra thought. It wasn’t very often that Devona looked vulnerable.

            “Wow.” Kohra felt stupid just saying “wow”, but she didn’t know what else to say. Lenny wasn’t saying anything. She was just looking at Devona with that blank-but-piercing stare that she looked at everyone with.

            Kohra cleared her throat to break the silence. But then didn’t know what to say. The problem was, she also didn’t know how to explain Shaping. The lessons Gorb had taught her, she couldn’t exactly summarize; they had to be experienced directly. And it was too personal to turn into an abstract description. She felt a stab of shame. Devona had obviously been able to open up about things that made her feel vulnerable; why couldn’t she?

She tried again. “It’s kind of like with those Klliik in the caravan, and their Song. There was no person carrying the tune; they were forming it together, harmonizing and balancing and tuning each other. It’s like that! But with my feelings. It’s like reaching out with my feelings, but also, kind of ‘listening’ with my feelings at the same time? Like I’m trying to establish a relationship almost? Is that kind of like what you were describing, Dev?”

Dev nodded, unconvincingly.

Kohra looked down. “I’m sorry; I’m not very good at describing things.”

            Lenny shrugged. “Hey, if all this helps somehow, that’s great.”

            Kohra looked over at Devona, but she seemed to be avoiding her eyes. She did this kind of thing often when Kohra tried to explain something, especially when Kohra felt like maybe, for a moment anyway, she understood something in a way that Devona didn’t. Then it was like a wall of ice.

            Kohra didn’t understand what she always did wrong, but it had to be something. Maybe she came across the wrong way? Maybe when she thought she was being excited, or passionate, she came across differently, like she was being haughty? Judgemental? Maybe even aggressive? A couple of times, Dev had accused her of taking center-stage and showing off, making other people feel bad. Kohra had never understood how she did that, but apparently, she did. That was why, in Ms. B’s class, she mostly held back and said little. When she did get excited about something, Dev seemed to think she was being “insensitive.” So, she had learned to let other people, mainly Dev, take center stage.

They were silent for a while. Kohra found herself staring at a single woodchip on the ground. They weren’t getting very far. Maybe this was a dumb idea.

            “Hey, let’s try this!” Lenny chirped. “Kohra, you concentrate and do that feelings-opening, relationshippy-stuff you were talking about. Dev, you detach and surrender to that It-Them-Thing, or whatever. Then I’ll count to three, and each of you grab my shoulder and just, give me whatever you’ve got.”

            “No way!” Kohra cried. “I almost blew myself up the first time!”

            “But that’s because it was your first time! What did Gorb call it? Awakening? Unblocking? Anyway, don’t worry. I can take it.”

Lenny looked far more sure of herself than she should have, Kohra thought. She imagined Lenny’s arm turning red, then black, burning.

No way. I am never going to agree to this….

* * * * *

            They stood in a triangle, Lenny at the apex and Kohra and Devona flanking her on either side. They had a plan, a “minimal risk plan,” as Lenny assured her.

            When they grabbed her shoulder, they would each “release” just a little bit of energy, like the same way it feels to light a candle with the Flux. Then, immediately let go. Quick and easy. Kohra never did agree.

            Nevertheless, they stood in a triangle.       

            “Begin,” Lenny commanded.

            A moment later, Devona murmured, “Ready.”

            Ready?? I haven’t even….

            Kohra concentrated, centering herself, gathering her awareness, sharpening her concentration. She felt it, her breath, the swinging door, out and in, other and self, and the movement between, that spaciousness between controlling and allowing. Her hands were warm; her scars throbbed. Then, she felt it, the Flux, swirling and resonating in the air around her, moving through her own body as she breathed, a subtle dance of energy washing through all of her, all at once.

            It’s not like singing, really. It’s more like how you “hear” the boom of thunder with your whole chest. Ok, stay calm, Kohra. You can do this. The swinging door.

“Ready.”

            Lenny kept her voice even. She was scared, but she didn’t want them to know, and besides, she was more excited than scared. This would work. She KNEW this would work. Well, she was pretty sure.

            “1, 2, 3, NOW!”

            Kohra did exactly as they had agreed. Grab, release. She felt the Flux pouring into Lenny’s shoulder. Just a little then…she couldn’t let go! Her hand was stuck!

She strained and pulled, gasping, the Flux rippling back and forth, back and forth, reverberating and swelling into a wave. It was more than energy, more than power, it was Lenny’s very essence, and Devona’s and Kohra’s, intermingling, crashing together in a dance that felt like ecstasy.  She swooned, her vision turning red, everything turning red. Something inside her hungered for more; she wanted more, wanted to burn.

            The pain started to sear into the fringes of her awareness. The energy was overwhelming! Panic rose like bile in her throat. “Letttt goooo,” she heard herself shout to Lenny, but the sound was slow, droopy, blurry.

            D’swingin’ doorrr, Kohrrra.

            Lenny swam into her mind, smiling, confident. “I can take it!”

The burning was sharp and exquisite against the dark, fuzzy background of Everything Else. Gorb’s voice came again, somewhere way, way back in her mind. “Let ‘er rrrrip!”

As she fell into darkness, Kohra screamed, her pain, her anger, even her shame, pouring into Lenny’s shoulder.

A crackling explosion, a blinding flash of light.

Silence.

And darkness.

She could hear and see nothing at all. Just a high-pitched whine. Then she smelled…smoke? She winced as it reached her nostrils. 

Slowly, her vision cleared, and she gasped, her mouth dropping in unguarded surprise, fear, and awe, all swirling together just like their own energies had done a moment earlier.

            Burning, blackened bits of firewood were scattered everywhere, ashes raining down around them. A small, charred crater smoked where the piece of firewood had been.

            Devona’s face was black with soot, her eyes wide with shock. Lenny was also covered with soot aand ash. But her eyes shone with glee. “WWAAAAAUUUUGGHHHHOOOOOO!!! Again!!”

            Kohra shook her head, wincing against the pain and dizziness. “Gods, Lenny,” she croaked. “Not…right now. That was…I don’t know. Wow.”

“Yeeeeeee!” Lenny cried, jumping up and down like she had just inherited a mountain of gold.  “And that was only our first try! Think about that! Imagine our 100th try!” Cackling maniacally, Lenny zoomed around their little clearing, flapping her arms like a deranged bird. “Master Blasters!!”

            They tried twice more that afternoon. It didn’t go nearly as well. It was hard for Lenny to establish two separate connections, and then maintain them in balance long enough for their energies to combine. But none of them could really explain to the others what they were doing. They just had to feel their way along by trial and error until they made it work.

“We’ll get it,” Devona reassured them. She seemed to be regaining her former confidence, as though their new explosion-powers were blasting away all remnants of her terrible experience in the hermit’s cave. “We did it once. We just need to practice.”

            “No more today.” Kohra waved them off. “I’m done; I’m exhausted. But, thanks, both of you. That was, that was like nothing I’ve experienced before, I can say that much.” She laughed.

She was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.