197) The Salvation of Eden, Chapter 30 -- Spicy rumours...and some drinking

Gorb rejoined them several minutes later, flinging open the double doors like an outlaw who just rode into town and was announcing his presence to the locals.

         “You get her?” Dominic asked in surprise.

         “Bah!” he grimaced, unhooking his hammer from his belt, tearing off his tunic, and shaking off his mail-shirt right there in the dining room. Kohra realized that he must wear armour at all times of the day. Sweat dripped off his hairy, barrel-like torso, leaving wet drops on the floor. Everyone stared, too shocked to do anything else, as he tried to sponge himself off with several napkins.

         Juanita danced back in at that moment, having left after telling them her tragic tale fof the Reaper. She was clearly back to her old self, taking the situation in hand without missing a beat. “Welcome back Father Gorb! Would you care for some un-salad today?”

         He paused his self-mopping. “Parrrdon?”

         “Would you care for some un-salad today?” she repeated, batting her eyes innocently.

         He looked at the others, hoping for some help.

         “Un-salad?”

         “Yes, to go with your un-dressing?” She smiled sweetly, dancing back out of the room.

         Dominic doubled over, stomping on the floor, “OHHHH!! OHHHH!! NICE!!” Lenny laughed along with him, slapping her knee and howling at Gorb, who stood there, half-disrobed, sweaty, red-faced and confused.

         The others got it a moment later, but were a little more restrained. They still laughed at him though. Even Devona managed a chuckle.

         Gorb stared at them like they were all possessed. It took a good thirty seconds, around when everyone else was settling down, before he finally got the joke, roaring “UN-DRRRRESSING!” with glee. Reilly snorted, spewing tea out of her nose and Dominic burst out laughing again. Gorb seemed to take this as validation, and roared even louder.

         When he finally got himself under control, wiping his eyes and blowing his ample nose with his now-extremely-soggy handkerchief, Juanita stuck her head around the corner, right on cue.

         Mimicking Gorb’s accent in a remarkably good impression, she inquired, “Extrrra large ale, ‘eavy on de ‘ops?”

         “Aye!” he replied with delight. “Warm as ‘orse piss, an’ twice as frrrrothy!”

         She set the already-poured mug on the table with a curtsy, and he immediately gave them all a hearty “Cheers!” and downed a good third of it in one gulp. Froth dribbled liberally down his beard.

         Kohra smiled to herself. It’s good to see him in better spirits again. Ha ha, no pun intended.

         A few mugs later, Gorb stood in front of everyone at the head of the table, having adopted an “official” tone of voice as though he was someone of great importance. He banged his mug on the table for attention, swaying slightly as he belched.

         “Some o’ ye may not know,” he began, eyes wide with drunken excitement, “but we’ve learned some t’ings in dis town, in our secrrrrret spyin.’” With a dramatic, sweeping gesture toward Dominic and Reilly, knocking Dom’s mug clear across the table into Lenny’s lap, he bellowed, “Now I will ‘and de stage over t’ me colleagues, Agent Dominic, known to many as D’ Bow Dat Ne’er Misses, the rrrrenowned Rrrranger o’ de Anthorrrrian Woods, Scholarr o’ Abominations ‘n Trrransmutated Crrreatures!”

         He paused for a breath and another emphatic gulp from his mug, then gestured flamboyantly towards Reilly, “An’ I prrresent Agent Rrrreilly, de famed an’ mysterrrious TrrreeChild, Frrriend o’ d’Animals, an’ Brrravest Damn Squirrrrrel in all d’Worlds!” He gestured dramatically again, stumbled, grabbed the table to steady himself, then bowed.

         Devona, Kohra and Dominic laughed and cheered while Reilly hooted. Kohra wondered what had gotten into the old Klliik. Maybe just too much emotional intensity, and he needed to let loose a little? She also wondered how much he was intending to drink. Mostly though, she just enjoyed the show.

         Dominic and Reilly stood up together at the head of the table to address the “crowd.”

         “Thank you, Gorb the Stalwart —” Dominic began, but was interrupted by Reilly.

         “What’s stalwart?”

         He shook his head at her, trying to concentrate on what he was saying. “Uhh, yes, Gorb the Stalwart….” He faltered. “Man, how did you come up with all that?”

         As if in answer, Gorb raised his mug, downed the final third, then belched.

         Dominic laughed. “Uh, Defender of the Innocent! Um, Smither of Words! Drinker of Unparalleled Infamy!”

         “Good one!” shouted Reilly, bouncing up and down.

         “And Paragon of Loyalty!”

         “What’s a paragon?” Reilly interrupted.

         “Shhhh.” Dom tried to continue. “Yes, on our great adventures, we —”

         “Come on Dom,” Reilly interrupted again. “This isn’t YOUR speech.”

         “But I’m doing the introduction!” Dominic argued, then in a parental tone, added, “You have to wait when someone is talking.”

         “You have to wait when someone is talking,” she parrotted, adding a slight “nyah nyah” tone to her mimicry.

         Dominic glowered. “Then go ahead. Take it away.”

         She pouted, crossing her arms.

         “Come on, Reilly. You wanted to talk….”

         She didn’t respond.

         Dominic closed his eyes. It looked like he was counting under his breath. He tried again.

         “Okay! So let US, Reilly TreeChild and myself, tell you what we found out. There are some pretty interesting rumours in town!” His fingers drum-rolled on the table. “Reilly?”

         She rolled her eyes, reluctantly flopping her body into a half-sitting position. “Whatever. A long time ago, there was a guy who lived in the Swamp. Before there was a Swamp. He was, Wvilhorst?” She giggled. “Dom? You remember?”

         “Wvilhorst is perfect. Go with it.” He gave her an encouraging nod.

         The encouragement perked her up, and she stood up again, spreading her arms and hands dramatically.  “Okay, so, Wvilhorst” (giggling), “was this guy, really old and…old! He invented monsters! And was super-evil! He had really black hair and, uh, something about his eyes. Yeah, so he’s still alive! But, he’s dead. And he’s the Reaper! Or a vampire! Or he’s not even real, and nobody knows!” She paused, then brightened again, “Oh! He has treasure! He stole a treasure from this king, and….” She paused again, collecting her thoughts.

         Devona broke in. “Hey, thanks Reilly! That was great! Do you mind, just for a second, can Dominic tell us, um, what he remembers? Then we’ll understand even better, okay?”

         Reilly narrowed her eyes. She knew she was being played, but she also knew that they weren’t getting it. Uggghh! People are so frustrating….

         She decided to rise to the occasion and play along. “But of COURRRRSE!” Her high-pitched, ultra-upper-class accent was ridiculous. Everybody laughed. “My esteemed colleague, Sir Dominic the, uh, good bow-shooter person, and defender of…hunting? Yesss! His noble princeliness will now take the floor! Applause, everyone, applause!” Shrieking with exaggerated glee, she jumped up and down like a hysterical fan meeting their celeb-crush for the first time.

         Dominic cleared his throat, straightening up. “Thank you, TreeChild.” Reilly beamed. “I will now summarize what we learned. There are indeed some” — he leaned in, lowering his voice to a near-whisper — “interesting goings-on in this town. First of all, some believe that an evil wizard lives in the Swamp.”

         “He’s the Reaper!” Reilly shouted.

         “Or, that he controls the Reaper,” he corrected. “They say he watches the thoughts of everyone, and then sends the Reaper to punish those he deems deserving of it.”

         “That makes no sense,” Lenny immediately pointed out. Kohra startled; she hadn’t even realized Lenny had rejoined them. “How can any one person watch so many people’s thoughts? It’s impossible, even if you wanted to, and didn’t go crazy with how BORING most people are. And also, why wouldn’t the Reaper be killing people in town? Townspeople don’t ever have bad thoughts? Just people living on outlying farms? That’s a dumb theory.” Lenny raised her arms in a threatening gesture, like a bird of prey. “Yeeeee.” That was her way of signaling that she was done with that topic.

         Dominic nodded. “That’s what I thought too. People also say that this wizard is creating an army of undead in the swamp. Yeah, they think he’s resurrecting all the dead soldiers from the Great War, and some day, they will sweep down on Annuvin and destroy it. They say it’ll be just like the Great War all over again. Except this time, we’ll lose.”

         “People also say that the Hordes are re-building their numbers in the mountains. Although other people say that’s just gossip, and it’s been the same for three hundred years. Some even say the Hordes are a myth, made up by the King, just to keep the population scared and dependent on Royal protection.” He paused, gathering his thoughts.

         “But yeah, they say the Horde armies are growing their numbers, hidden under the mountains, and the Northern trade routes have been closed as a result. Between that and the Reaper, the town is getting strangled. Nobody seems to think they can do anything about it. They’ve lived for so long with the belief that doom is about to sweep down upon them, that they seem resigned to it.”

         “Yeah, yeah, blah, blah,” Reilly interrupted. “There’s moooooooreeeeee,” she cooed in a teasing, sing-song voice.

         Dominic grinned, a sparkle in his eyes. “Let’s see, what else?” He leaned in even closer to the others this time, whispering conspiratorially. “Oh yes! Apparently, the Mayor is having an affair with our very own Juanita! His wife doesn’t know about it, but everyone else does.”

         “Or the horse guy!” Reilly shouted.

         Dominic motioned for her to keep her voice down, but laughed. “Yeah, or she’s dating some guy who keeps a stable on the edge of town.”

         “Or the Mayor’s wife!” Reilly shouted, practically hysterical. Dominic tried to shush her but she yelled even louder, “Or all of them!”, and collapsed into gales.

         Gorb hollered right along with them, “Aye, she’s de talk o’ de steamie!”

         “I don’t believe it!” Kohra protested hotly.

         Dom nodded, still motioning for them all to lower their voices. “Neither does about half the town. But the other half insists it’s true, and says she can’t be trusted, or at least not with your menfolk.”

         “Or your womenfolk!” Reilly finished, shrieking. Gorb and Lenny howled with laughter while Dominic pretended to blush with shock, fluttering himself with one hand.

         “Shhhhh!” Kohra was embarassed, in so many different ways she didn’t even know what she was feeling in that moment. “You shouldn’t be…she’s not…just, shhhh!” She scowled as they continued making remarks about the kinds of things that happen in steamy-bath-houses.

         Thankfully, Dominic changed the topic, once everyone regained their composure. “We also learned that the Captain of the militia, Captain Klardynne, is some kind of local hero. He won a bunch of battles against Earthborns who were attacking the town. That was like forty years ago or something, but he’s a very popular figure. A lot of people think he should be Mayor. Other people think he’s a crazy fool, living in the past, obsessed with old war-stories.”

         “Hey!” Reilly protested.

         “Reilly doesn’t agree with those people though.”

         “I like him!” she affirmed with conviction.

         “We’ve never even met him! You’re basing this on, what, two rumours?”

         “Three.” She was defiant.

         “No, two, from three different people.”

         She stuck out her tongue.

         “Anyway, there was this big argument down by one of the butcher shops, and Klardynne himself ended up chiming in with his opinion, about himself! He surprised the Hells out of everybody. It was hilarious!” Dominic laughed, for a second, then stopped. Nobody seemed to understand what was so funny. He sighed.

         “Anyway, I asked him about Kylryvyn, and he gave me some suggestions on how to get him talking.” Dominic’s eyes twinkled with mischief.

         Gorb belched.

         Kohra looked around at each of them, taking it all in. Everything felt so raw right now, so Real. This was one of those moments, the ones that don’t seem significant at the time, just another moment of just another day. But you look back someday and wish that you hadn’t let them pass so unnoticed, that you had paid more attention, been more grateful.

         She looked over at Devona, wondering if she was noticing this as well. But Devona seemed entangled in her own thoughts.

         Out of the blue, Reilly asked, “What happened to his horse?”
        
Nobody responded. Finally Kohra asked, “Uh, whose horse?”

         “The Hooded Man!”

         Gorb gave her an affectionate pat on the head. “Oh, ‘ee’s just like ol’ Beacon. ‘Ee knows wherrre t’ go on ‘is own.”

         Reilly looked at him expectantly. “Aaaaand…?”

         He looked back at her, puzzled. “An’ what?”

         “And where does he go?!” she shouted.

         He laughed. “D’orse? Where’s d’orse go?”

         “YES! D’orse! D’orse!” she mimicked, exasperated and exasperating in the way only little kids can be. 

         “’Ee goes t’ Corrrranyaan’s stables.”

         “What?!” Devona perked up, looking angry. “You knew this and didn’t say anything?”

         He shrugged. “What’s de point? I ‘ave followed dis ‘orse nine times alrrrready. Nine times! I know exactly wherrre ‘ee goes, ‘ow long ‘ee stays — usually a week orrr so. Den d’ooded Man comes back, and rrrrides off t’ de Nort’. A month laterrr, dey come back, stay ferrr a night, an’ ‘ead back t’Anthorrr.” He frowned. “’Tis de same everrry time.”

         “Have you ever followed him?” Dominic asked.

         He shook his head. “No kinna follow ‘im, lad. De rrrrroad t’ de Nort’ is too ‘ard t’ leave trrrracks. Dere’s no way t’ find wherrre ‘ee goes. An’, t’ieves watch dos rrrroads.”

         “Have you ever talked to him?” Reilly asked.

         “D’ooded Man?!” He looked at her incredulously.

         “No silly! D’orse!” She looked at him equally incredulously.

         He held onto his belly with both hands and roared with laughter. Finally he looked back at Reilly, who was still waiting for an answer. She looked smug, Kohra thought.

         He wiped his eyes, smiling down at the child. “I kinna speak ‘orse!”

         Reilly smirked. “I can.”

         Yep, definitely smug.

         Gorb drained his mug, again, banging it on the table.

         “Let’shh go!” he slurred, half-rising from his chair, wobbling a little. Dominic steadied him with one hand, pulling him back down to the chair. “Not so fast little man! We’ve still got some drinking to do!”
         “Aye, lad!” he roared again with laughter, then squinted at Dominic, like he wanted to tell him something of utmost importance. “Yerrr my frrriend, y’know. A Klliich….” (Belch.) “Did I say ‘Klliich?’” (Laughter, belch, laughter). “Yep, we KLLIICHES, we dinna make frrrriends wit’ anyone, y’know.”

          “You girls go,” Dom murmured to Kohra. “Have a night on the town. Don’t worry, he’ll have forgotten all about you in a few minutes.” He clapped Gorb on the back. “Tell me about that girl you healed again, what was her name? You remember? One short leg and one long one?”

         “Aye,” the LightSinger replied (a little too dreamily for a LightSinger, Kohra thought). “Gwrrrndillyn. She was a rrrreal woman. Strrrong as a plow’orse, an’ a fine puncher!”

         They slipped out, and he didn’t seem to notice.