176) The Salvation of Eden, Chapter 12 -- Lenny's Surprising Wisdom on Surviving in a Foreign Land

Kohra slept the sleep of the utterly exhausted that night. But her mind was filled with dreams — shards and snippets of happier days. Col was in some of them. She felt almost like they were talking to each other, although in the morning, she couldn’t remember anything they’d said. Still, it was nice, even for a few stolen moments, to see him again and forget about the stark reality of the present.

         She looked at the haybales around them, remembering the rush she had felt when they snuck in last night. It was the first barn they’d come across, and it felt exciting, like they were spies, sneaking behind enemy lines. She felt like a kid again, when hiding in a haystack was indeed a grand adventure.

         She heard a scuffle below; someone was in the barn with them! But a moment later, Lenny’s gap-goothed grin popped over the edge from the ladder. “Morning, sunshine!” she chirped. This wasn’t like Lenny. She was NEVER “chirpy” in the morning.

         “Lenny? Did you sleep?”

         Lenny ignored her, engaged as she was in singing while she did a jig on the haybales. Kohra laughed, while Dominic rubbed his eyes blearily to see what the commotion was all about.

         Suddenly, shouts and barking dogs cut through their laughter. Lenny abruptly stopped her jig. “Run!!!” And it was chaos, hay flying everywhere, everyone scrambling, throwing on packs, falling over each other, everything covered in loose hay. Lenny jumped right off their platform into a haystack, rolling onto the ground, laughing. “Come on!” she shouted, beaming up at Kohra with a wild-eyed look of glee.

         Kohra jumped, rolling down the hay as well, laughing in manic excitement. Dominic landed beside her a moment later. Scrambling to their feet, they ran — through the barn, through a door and, “Damn!” Lenny shouted. “Wrong way!”

         Kohra lurched around and ran back through the barn. There was a loud crash behind her but she didn’t stop. She got to the door at the other end first and yanked it open, turning around. Dominic was right behind her but…Lenny?

         Lenny was desperately trying to stand up amidst a whole mess of shovels and pitchforks and hoes and other farm implements that had been leaning against the wall. She got up, tripped over a rake, knocking over another section with her backpack as she stumbled, making another tremendous crash.

         “AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!” Lenny bolted, screaming, straight out the door with her hands waving in the air.

         Kohra and Dominic tore after her, through the garden and into a field. Lenny ran right through a clothes-line and charged across the field with a pretty blue polka-dotted summer dress, a pair of stockings and a white sheet streaming behind her, her hands still waving in the air, hooting with laughter.

         Finally, on the far edge of the field, they stopped and doubled over, gasping for air. Lenny fell right onto the ground, laughing, coughing and wheezing all at once. Kohra looked back. Nobody was chasing them, although she could still hear shouts and dogs barking from across the field.

         “We’ve gotta go, before they get organized!” Kohra panted. Lenny, still laughing, quickly slipped the summer dress and stockings onto a scarecrow standing guard in the field. She folded the sheet nicely, and placed it at the bottom, nodding with satisfaction.  “They’ll find it.”

         Skirting the edge of the field, Dominic took them back to the road quickly, remembering Galen’s warnings about traveling offroad in the Borderlands. By mid-morning, they decided they’d put enough distance between themselves and the farm, and stopped for breakfast. Lenny was the first in the food pack, but instead of bringing out some of what they’d taken from Galen’s, she held out a pouch with a dozen brown and white speckled eggs.

         “Still butt warm!” she announced with a wicked grin.

         “Lenny! You stole them?!” Kohra frowned.

         Lenny stuck out her tongue, turning to gather sticks to make a fire. “Me ’n Dom can eat ’em!”

         A few minutes later, eggs sizzled and bubbled away in a frying pan, while Lenny sang verses from some musical play she’d memorized. Kohra sat with Dom and watched the Lenny-show.

         “Sometimes heroes have to make sacrifices, Kohra,” Dominic remarked with a smirk. “It’s for the greater good.”

         “Yeah, maybe,” she grumbled. “That’s what the bad guys think too.” But her stomach grumbled, and the eggs smelled delicious….

* * * * *

         The Borderlands, at least the parts that they travelled through, were not as different from Anthor as she’d expected. There were no big population centers; the Borderlands were, practically by definition, populated by people with little desire to live in the comforts of large-scale civilization. That’s why they didn’t ask questions of strangers. Whatever your reason for being in the Borderlands, your very being there meant you probably didn’t want to answer strangers’ questions.

         Besides, there were lots of young travelers in these parts, especially these days. From ideological dissidents to outright revolutionaries, from hobbling, crippled victims to profiteering merchants in fancy wagon trains, the bottom line was, everybody in the Borderlands was in it for themselves. Which counter-intuitively, meant they were in it together.

         This experience was, Kohra realized eventually, an awakening for her. She COULD make it in the world! The Big World. Where nobody knew her. Where nobody had a pre-formed judgement of her, based on the past.

         Everything, times zero, is zero.

         The roads were small and rutted, but well-travelled, watched over by little shrines, signifiers of fidelity to a dizzying, multiplicity of local Gods. Dominic made offerings of small bits of food at several of them, “just to be on the safe side.”

         Lenny, when Dominic wasn’t looking, usually stole the offerings, and split them with Squirrelly as they walked.

         Most of the people they encountered on the road looked like typical peasants and farm workers, although they passed a couple of impressive gated estates. Clearly some people in the Borderlands had a lot more wealth than others, but as far as they could tell, the Haves didn’t tend to rub shoulders much with the Have Nots. In that way, the Borderlands were exactly like Anthor.   

         One clear difference they noticed right away, was that in the Borderlands, everybody carried weapons. Everybody. Even little kids had long daggers hanging from their belts or boot-knives strapped surreptitiously to their legs, and almost everyone walked with shortbows or crossbows slung over their shoulders. And they looked fit. Strong. For the first time in her life, Kohra wondered if she was too “civilized.” She felt soft.

         Many of the people they asked knew of Jorn the Blacksmith. He seemed pretty famous. But it was a long way, apparently. They had to cross almost all the way to the Cloud Forests, bordering the Dead Swamp. It would take months.

         Kohra was surprised at first that it was so far, but then realized — this was probably Galen’s intention all along. Now, they were forced to go even farther from home.

* * * * *

         When they had spare time, Kohra and Dom worked on their cover story, fleshing out the details, even going so far as to invent names for members of their fake families.

         When they proudly revealed their story by the campfire one night, Lenny, to her credit, listened until the very end. But when Kohra was finally done, Lenny laughed, “Booooring! And what’s with everyone in your family dying? You sound like the saddest people ever! I’d kidnap you for sure, just to rescue you from your horrible lives.”

         She pointed at Dominic. “YOU are a wickedly famous DemonSlayer, and you,” (pointing to Kohra), “are a Mistress of the Night. Together, you are a magical duo on an interdimensional quest to prevent the collapse of the time stream and the destruction of all worlds!” She waved her hands dramatically around in the air and made exploding sounds.

         Dom shook his head. “Riiiight. Great suggestion, unless someone HAS A DEMON that they need slayed? Come on!”
         Lenny adopted a snobby, upper-class accent much like Reilly often did, daintily but vigorously clapping her hands together. “Excuuuuse me, attention everyone! Attention! Does anybody have a nasty demon bothering them? Perhaps in your pahhlour? We just had a SLAYER come into town! Look at his bad self, with that mean-looking bow and sharp, pointy arrows. Oh joy, we are SAVED!”

         Dominic ignored their laughter. “Whatever. And what the heck is a Mistress of the Night anyway?”
         They laughed even harder. Lenny answered in a smoky voice, winking seductively at Kohra, “Whatever you waaant it to be, Dommm. You seem pretty interested…hmmm?”

         “What do you mean I’m interested??!” he spluttered, blushing furiously. “YOU said it! Mistress of the Night. Bloody Hells, Lenny!”

         Lenny looked shocked and offended, gasping, “Dom! Language!”

         He glared at her. “Lenny, I’m being serious!”

         She glared right back. “Dom, I’m being serious!” (in exactly the same tone, clearly mocking him). “Besides, I think it’s a good idea,” she added under her breath.

         He exploded. “A good idea!!?? You think THAT’S a good idea?? Tell us Lenny, explain your unfathomable brilliance, so we can be enlightened like you.”

         She stopped walking immediately, planted her walking stick firmly in the ground, and faced him. Dominic was about to learn an important lesson — never, ever call what you think is Lenny’s bluff. Because whatever you think is the line that a reasonable person would draw, Lenny will raise you, and then raise you some more just for the Hells of it.

         “Fine,” she began, icily calm. “I do think it’s a great idea. You should be a ‘fernal demonslayer. It’s far superior to your pathetic tale.”

         She looked at Kohra, wiping fake tears from her eyes. “YOU are apparently traveling, just the two of you, all by your lonesomes, to help your poor, sick uncle, but it’s so far away it’s going to take you weeks to get there, and he’s so sick and dependent on you, with nobody else to help him, that if you DISAPPEAR, like say, SOMEONE  ROBS AND KILLS YOU, there is diddly-squat that he can do about it.”

         Kohra’s heart sank. Lenny had a point.

         “Not to mention the fact that you’re going in the wrong direction.”

         Kohra cursed herself silently, but again, Lenny was right. The route they were currently taking was almost diametrically opposite to the direction of their fictional uncle’s.

         “And lemme ask you one thing.” Lenny adopted a different tone of voice, like a drinking-man’s drawl. “So, yer goin’ past the Blue Mountains, are yehs? Which route are ye takin?”

         Kohra and Dom hesitated, looking blankly at each other. Lenny laughed even harder. “See? The most innocent question, and your story falls apart. You ain’t going to no sick uncle; you don’t have the faintest idea where you’re going!’”

         Kohra and Dom both kicked at the dirt. They’d worked so hard! And it had seemed so good!

         Lenny continued, “On the other hand, tell people an incredible tale about interdimensional travel and demon slaying and the collapse of the time-stream, and you will, at the very least, confuse them, and also show them you aren’t some timid losers. Even if it’s totally a lie, only a bad-ass would have the guts to come up with a lie like that.”

         Then she looked directly at Kohra. “And Mistress of the Night? You’ll have them terrified and in awe, thinking you’re into dark sorcery action or something creepy like that.” She paused for dramatic effect.

         “AND I’ll be there with you, backing you up all the way. And Squirrelly too.” She nodded to the squirrel, who nodded back.

         Did Squirrelly just give her a thumbs-up? Kohra rubbed her eyes.

         Dom growled with frustration, but Lenny had already turned and Flounced! away.

         About an hour later, she rejoined them. They were still discussing their cover story.

         Lenny promptly started singing in a loud voice.

         Dom grabbed her shoulders. “Lenny!! This is important! What are YOU going tell people who you run into, and they ask who you are?”

         She shrugged. “Lenny will tell people whatever Lenny wants.” Then she thoughtfully added, “Unless Lenny doesn’t want to, in which case Lenny will tell them nothing!” She produced an apple from somewhere and started crunching. That was that.

         “C’mon Lenny, SERIOUSLY!! Okay, what if some big tough guy corners you and is like, ‘hey little girl.’” (Putting on his gruffest voice). “Wha-chew doin’ round these parts?”

         Kohra snickered.

         Lenny didn’t even pause. “Lenny is a traveling magic-maker! Do you want to see a trick?” She scurried right up into Dom’s face, peering at him wide-eyed like a two-year-old, or a puppy. She started panting and barking. Definitely a puppy. Kohra burst out laughing.

         Dom tried to maintain character despite Lenny barking in his face. “Errrr, yes, show me magic there, little girl, or I’ll, uh, kidnap you! And hold you for ransom!”

         Lenny rolled her eyes. “Really? That’s the best you can come up with? Kidnap me?” She laughed so hard she ended up rolling on the ground, hugging herself.

         Dom stared, his jaw clenching and unclenching repeatedly. This was pointless.

         Kohra stepped in, starting to get annoyed, even though Lenny WAS being awfully funny. “Dom’s right. What if you HAVE to tell people who you are? Like, the guy has a knife? Or there’s a whole gang of them, and they’re mugging you? What if you do get held for ransom? We don’t know what’s going to happen, so this is what we’re trying to plan for!” Kohra crossed her arms with a sense of finality. There was no argument with that, as far as she was concerned.

         Lenny sat up, cocking her head to the side as though confused. “You are trying to plan for what you don’t know is going to happen?”

         “You know what I mean!” Kohra snapped.

         “Lenny doesn’t need to plan for things that Lenny doesn’t know about.”

         Kohra wasn’t going to back down. She was right, and she knew it. “So, what would you do?”
         “In what situation?”

         “The one I JUST DESCRIBED!”

         “You described three, at least: bad guy with knife, group of muggers, and getting kidnapped and held for ransom,” Lenny checked them off on her fingers.

         It looked like Kohra was going to pop a vein in her forehead.

         “Tell you what, I’ll do all three.” She grinned at Kohra, who scowled back, now looking just like Dominic.

         “First, if a whole gang is mugging us OR if some kidnappers are holding us for ransom, then no fancy cover story is going to make a whit of difference. In fact, the best cover story might just be ‘I’m alone in the world, I’m useless and worth nothing. Mugging or kidnapping me is like trying to get blood from a stone.’”

         Lenny’s eyes shone with glee. She loved winning arguments. “So for two of your three scenarios, your cover story is either useless, or worse, compared to anything I might spontaneously come up with in the moment.”

         “Fine.” Kohra glowered. “Those weren’t very good examples anyway. But more realistically, what if it’s just one guy, with a knife, and he’s intimidating you. What would you do?”

         Lenny responded right away, no hesitation. “So let me get this straight; there’s a guy. With a knife. For some reason he is asking me who I am. For some reason I can’t run away. And for some reason nobody is going to help me, despite the fact that he’s threatening me, an innocent young girl, in public.”

         Kohra nodded, tight-lipped.

         “First of all, this is highly unlikely, but okay, whatever. Lenny would lie.” She took another bite of her apple, crunching loudly, as if there was nothing more to say.

         “You can’t just make up a lie on the spot!” Kohra protested. “It won’t be believable!”

         Lenny fired off, “I’m Wilma Featherstein, from Carding’s Corners, I work in the Pale Boar Inn as a bartender. I’m Jessica Smithson, from High Ridge; I work on the Kempton’s Hog Farm, about three miles outside of town, right along the banks of the Spokane River. I’m Bonnie Billingsley, from Jordanville; I’m on a research trip, studying the migratory patterns of rare butterflies.”

         She stopped, looking at Kohra. “Is that good enough? Or are you going to insist that somehow, this super-curious random guy with a knife will magically know that I’m lying?”

         Kohra thought for a moment. She knew it sounded ridiculous but she was too stubborn to just give up. “Yes.”

         Again, Lenny didn’t even pause. “Then I would tell him to mind his own damn business.”

         “Yeah, and he pulls his knife and stabs you. Game over Lenny.”

         “No, Ms. Kohra, on the contrary. Checkmate to you.”

         At this point, Dominic stepped back in, shouting “What? Why? Kohra has COMPLETELY out-argued you! So, HA!”

         “No way.” Lenny crossed her arms. “If he really wanted to stab Lenny, in the one in a billion trillion chance that your insane scenario would ever happen, then Lenny would just freeze his face and run away!”

         Dominic exploded, again. “You can’t j—” but out of Lenny’s right index finger shot a thin blue beam, like a spear, hitting a tree branch a few feet in front of them. The branch was instantly covered in ice. Lenny gave it a sharp rap with her knuckles, and the branch shattered, ice crystals peppering the pathway all around them.

         Kohra’s mouth actually dropped open. Dominic gaped. Lenny, waving her arms in the air, ran ahead in an awkward stork-like gait. “Now Lenny flounces away! Wheeee!”

         When they eventually resumed walking, they didn’t bother talking about their cover story anymore. It was nice, actually, enjoying the silence of the forest.