174) The Salvation of Eden, Chapter 10 -- Goo Zombies

A scream split the silence of the swamp outside, followed immediately by another, then a chorus of shouts and curses, rapidly getting closer. An immense roaring shattered the air and the ground shook as something very large thundered towards them, like an avalanche.

Kohra bolted out of her chair. Dominic flung open the door and…they stared. What was happening outside was impossible.

At one edge of the clearing, a screaming, sodden mess of people burst out of the swamp, dripping with yellow goo, staggering and lurching and falling and crawling, clawing at their skin and swatting at their faces, blindly fleeing in panic. A frenetic gaggle of screaming, spasmodic, goo-zombies.

All around them swarmed a gigantic, black, buzzing cloud, which seemed to be the cause of much of their screaming and swatting.

Directly behind, crashed and charged and snorted a scarred, grey mountain of flesh and muscle right out of a nightmare — hooves the size of outhouses, six massive horns sprouting out of its battle-carnage face. It stomped toward the screaming goo-zombies and their bug cloud like a falling mountain.

At the moment of impact, Kohra closed her eyes, but she still heard it, the crunching bones and gurgled screams, the weird…squishing…sounds, and over it all, the beast roaring and trees splintering as this whole catastrophe washed past the cabin and into the swamp on the other side.

Kohra opened her eyes again, staring in shock at the tunnel of destruction that had been carved through Galen’s yard.

Galen was the first to speak, oddly cheerful. “Well, I guess they’ve been taken care of! Shame though, that Boromus got himself all worked up like that.”

Kohra stared. “What. The. Hells. Was. THAT!!!???” She was shaking, her knees knocking together in fear. (She’d always wondered whether that really happens, and yes, yes it does.)

Galen laughed, despite the seriousness of the moment. “Well, THAT was a few things — at least a dozen of the Guard, several crossbowmen, and a Tracker, plus an impressively angry cloud of Blinder bees, plus Boromus. He’s, uh, kind of my guard-dog. We have a complicated relationship. He stays in hiding unless really bad things come, like dragons or Dark Lords or, you know, stuff like that.”

He gave a short, snorting laugh at Kohra’s shocked expression. “Oh don’t worry, Boromus would never hurt you; he’s a big softie.”

“N-no, I was more thinking, you get attacked by dragons and Dark Lords?!!”

Galen chuckled. “No, I DON’T get attacked. Boromus makes sure of that. Weren’t you listening?” He shook his head, rolling in eyes in a classic “kids these days” kind of expression. Then continued. “The real question is, why did all these things end up in my front yard all at the same time? Although, I do have a guess.” He squinted into the distance, then nodded, “Yep, and it’s someone you know!”

Purple-hued skin, silvery-blonde, poofy hair tied up with a ribbon, tall, lanky frame clad in random bits of clothing that were sewn together by hand (much like Galen’s), maverick grin with one missing front tooth. There was only one person in all the worlds like that.

“LENNY!!” Kohra shouted with unbound joy, forgetting all caution, running full-tilt across the yard; she even jumped over the crushed body of one of the Guard without even noticing.

Lenny looked around furtively to see if anyone else was looking, then fixed Kohra with a stern glare. “SHHHHHH!”

But then Kohra was crashing into her, hugging and ranting, “You’re alive! Oh Lenny you crazy, crazy, Gods! You’re alive!”

Then suddenly, she froze, eyes wide, whispering, “Don’t move!! Don’t move at all.”

The others went still, eyes darting around the swamp, expecting some new bizarreness to emerge. “Dominic, slowly now, don’t scare it, but, look up at Lenny.”

Dominic’s eyes widened. “Hey! A squirrel!”

Lenny looked over at the animal peering over her shoulder. “Oh, Squirrelly? Oh yeah, okay, hey everybody, this is Squirrelly. Squirrelly, this is Kohra, Dominic and over there is, hey, what’s your name anyway?” She nodded slyly at Galen like they were old friends.

“S-Squirrelly?” Dominic spluttered. “You named it Squirrelly? Seriously? Nice.”

“Shut up Dom. You’re offending Squirrelly.”

But Squirrelly, at that moment, was looking at Kohra, jumping up and down, clearly excited, waving.

Waving?

“Uh, what’s it doing?” Kohra asked, leaning back from the strange animal.

“It’s a she, and she’s saying hello, dummy. Now shake hands and be polite! What happened to your manners?”

Kohra reached one little finger towards Squirrelly, assuming this was some kind of joke. To her astonishment, the squirrel grasped it with its little claws, and shook it like it was saying hello! She cooed “Ooohhh Lenny!! How did you train her to do this?? She’s so cute!” She could have sworn that Squirrelly huffed and rolled her eyes.

Lenny shrugged. “I didn’t train her to do anything. Squirrelly found me, and decided to be my friend. I dunno. She’s really smart. Keeps acting weird though. I just can’t figure it out.” She laughed. “At first I thought I ate the wrong kind of mushroom, but nope, I’m pretty sure Squirrelly talks to me. I’m just too dumb to understand it.” She shrugged again. “Or maybe she’s got rabies.”     

Galen interrupted. “Quick! Get inside! They’re coming back!” He pointed; three of the Guard limped towards them, clumsy and slow, their arms linked together, the two on the outside with one hand held in front, feeling their way along. One tripped over a clump of swamp grass, and they all fell over in a groaning heap. Painfully, they struggled to stand back up.

Galen was decisive, whispering commands. “Everybody inside! Kohra and Dominic, take as much food as you can, anything that will be good for traveling. Lenny, go to the potion cabinet, 7th vial from the left, middle row, it should be purply-brown and smell like vomit. Take one good swig, no matter how bad it is. Okay? And get ready to travel.”

“Why?” Lenny asked.

“Because I can tell that you’re Connecting to the Flux right now in order to hold all that bee-poison in your body at bay; but soon you’re going to tire. And then you’ll go blind.”

Lenny didn’t skip a beat. “No, I meant why am I traveling? Is there some kind of problem?”

Galen laughed, in spite of the moment. “Just go! I’ll buy you some time.” He shuffled off towards the three newly-blind Guard, calling in his best quivery old man voice. “Hellooo? Hellooo? Oh there, there sonnies, oh no, there, there, you’ve had a terrible accident! Here, come, come, sit down right here, yes, that’s right. There, there, I’ll get you some medicine.”

Kohra, Dom and Lenny slipped inside and carried out Galen’s instructions. Dominic and Kohra packed food while Lenny went to a cabinet full of bottles and vials and jars. Counting, she took the seventh vial, opening the stopper. She sniffed, then wrenched her head backwards, gagging. “Smells like barf! He wasn’t joking!”

Holding her nose, tilting her head back, she took a good mouthful, cheeks puffing like she was about to vomit it all back out, then fell to the floor, clawing at her throat and chest like it was on fire. Squirrelly sat on the table, watching, holding her stomach. Kohra could swear the critter was laughing. 

Abruptly, Lenny sat up. “Water,” she croaked, holding out a quivering hand. “Water….”

Dominic handed her a mug and she drank without stopping, lurched to her feet and staggered over to the jug, filled up a second mug, then sat down heavily on a chair. “Ohhhh Hells. I thought that was going to be like tequila, but it was so much worse.”

Kohra had no idea what “tuh-keela” was, but there were so many things that didn’t make sense right now, she had given up trying to understand.

Sure, whatever, Lenny is here! Drinking vomit-potion! Three blind guards are outside talking to Galen with their squished buddies laying in the dirt. Galen, the friendly old man in the woods, is guarded from Dark Lords and ‘fernal DRAGONS by a giant pet monster he’s named Boromus. And there’s a sentient squirrel sitting on the table, laughing! Yeah. It’s probably friends with that chipmunk. The chipmunk is probably the Mayor, in disguise. And tomorrow, we’ll meet unicorns and get Happy Spells!

Galen joined them a few minutes later. “I put some salve on their eyes; it’s actually just honey, mixed with a drug that won’t do anything, errrr, except knock them unconscious.” He giggled. Kohra looked at him.

“How can you giggle at a time like this?”

He gave her a hug. “This is life, Kohra. One moment at a time. In this moment, we’re winning. But you all have to leave. Like, now.”

“What?!!” Kohra barely managed to keep herself from shouting. “We can’t go out there!”

“You have no choice; you HAVE to leave. They have reinforcements coming. A much larger force is making its way through the swamp. They’ll have more Hunters, Trackers, and I don’t know what else.”

“Can’t we hide here?” Dominic asked. “You must have some place!”

Galen shook his head. “It’s not the Guard or even the Trackers I’m worried about. It’s Him. He knows our paths have crossed now, and if you stay here, He will find you, no matter what I do. Your only hope is to get as far away from me as possible, so that He loses you. Just go, and keep going — in the least likely direction for Him to search. It’s the only way.”

“Who in the Hells are you talking about?” Kohra was not going one step further without getting some questions answered.

Galen waved her off. “Look, there’s no time. You have to go!”

“So, no getting jobs slinging beer anymore?” Lenny asked. Kohra looked at her sharply. ”What?” Lenny retorted. “It’s a practical question! Besides, I kind of wanted a job like that.”

Galen shrugged. “Just get to the Borderlands! And, uh….” He paused for a moment, then his face lit up. “Okay! I know someone. The Blacksmith, Jorn Habaldson. Got it? Jorn Habaldson. Find Jorn, and say that you want to buy armour for a ferret.”

“A ferret?” Kohra was even more confused.

“Yeah!” Lenny replied brightly. “It’s a floof, like Squirrelly, only longer!”

“But why—”

“Just do it!” Galen snapped. “It’s the best I can come up with on the spot. Jorn Habaldson — ferret armour.”

“None of this makes any sense!” Kohra protested. “Freaking FERRET armour? And who is ‘HE’ anyway? Who are we hiding from? How does He know our paths have crossed? Why does that matter?”

“There’s no time! You wouldn’t understand most of it right now anyway. We can’t talk anymore; I have a lot of things to do to leave this place.”

“You’re leaving?!!” Kohra exclaimed. “B-b-but….”

Galen turned away to do whatever it was that he had to do, while Lenny grabbed Kohra by the shoulders and shook her. “Kohra! Snap out of it! This whole wide-eyed ‘what’s going on’ thing? We’re in a war now. A war! So let go. Of everything. Nothing, NOTHING is going to be the way things used to be.” Lenny threw her head back, cackling maniacally. Then stopped just as suddenly, her eyes so intense Kohra felt a little scared. “You, Kohra? You, me, Dom? We’re alive. So c’mon; let’s stay that way.”

It was one of the wisest speeches Lenny made in her entire life.

Slowly, Kohra nodded. “Okay,” she mumbled. “Okay.” Lenny relaxed her grip on her shoulders, and she sat down gingerly on the nearest cushion. Galen was already busy cramming things into a sack.

Suddenly, everyone froze, as they heard the unmistakable sound of baying hounds.

Galen barked commands. “Time’s up! Get your stuff. Go!” and everybody scrambled, pulling on boots and cloaks, Lenny grabbing the food bag, Squirrelly running around chittering.

Dominic thrust a pack at Kohra. “Here!”

Moments later, they were outside. The baying had quieted down.

“They’re near the hives, and they’ve reined the dogs in to skirt around. They’ll have smelled Boromus too, so they’ll come slowly. But still, they’ll be here in a few minutes.”

He held out a bent stick toward Lenny. “I have something for you.” He waited for her to take it. “I call it the Wand of Secret Camping. It creates a bubble of protection, basically. It’ll keep you comfortable from any natural weather conditions, even a hurricane. It also makes you undetectable to anyone outside the bubble. Unless they walk right into it; then they’ll see you right away! It doesn’t move, but it might bail you out in a pinch. Use it sparingly. I don’t know how many uses it has left. Oh, and it lasts about half a day.”

Lenny nodded, wide-eyed, then clapped him heartily on the back. “This is the coolest thing I’ve ever owned! Or even seen! Thank you.” To Galen’s surprise, she jumped right into his arms, giving him a big hug. Kohra gasped, wondering if he was going to collapse, but the old man held up no problem at all.

The hounds started up again. They were close, their baying punctuated with yelps of excitement.

“I’ll buy you some time. Dominic, go through the North trapline trail, and head East. Just make sure you’re out of the swamp before dark!”

Dominic nodded, turning towards the swamp. But it was too late; the hounds rounded the corner and burst into the clearing. Seconds later, two green-clad figures slunk in behind them, low to the ground, like wolves. Slayers. The rest wouldn’t be far behind.

“Run that way!” Galen shouted, pointing in exactly the wrong direction from where they needed to go.

“No, this way!” Kohra cried, pointing toward the swamp.

“Trust me girl, go!” He pushed her forward in the apparently wrong direction. Kohra reached the edge of the clearing and plunged straight into the swamp, pounding behind Lenny. Squirrelly was clinging to Lenny’s pack, bouncing as she ran. Suddenly Kohra started to feel…weird…and everything slowed annnddd shhheee tttuuurrrrnnnneddd tttttttooooooo Ddddddoooooooommmmmmmmmm….

She was frozen, her body immobile, her thoughts moving so slowly she could almost watch them rising and falling, like thick, viscous waves on a sea of molasses.

Lenny stood in front of her, mid-run, also frozen.

A moment later, she heard a high-pitched whine, like a mosquito, and the hounds burst past her, streaking impossibly fast into the swamp, their bodies a blur. Two green streaks followed. Then more mosquito-whines. Horses and riders streaked past, large blurs of brown, a whole squadron of the Guard moving much, much faster than it was possible for any horse to run.

There was a rushing sound in her ears, a moment of disorientation, and then everything came back into focus. They all looked around in confusion.

“The hut!” Lenny exclaimed. Kohra spun around. There was — nothing. Just swamp.

Lenny shook her head in wonder, looking at the spot where the cabin, flowerbeds, plants and everything else, had been just moments before. All of it, gone. Even the horse paddock had disappeared.

“When I’m all old and crazy, I want to be exactly like McKiller,” Lenny remarked.         

“I found the trail!” Dominic cried. “Follow me!”